A Rather Mundane Afterthought
by CrimsonStarbird
Summary: What now? Ayumu reflects on the final confrontation with Kiyotaka and ponders what future, if any, is in store for him. Contains spoilers for book 15 of the manga.


_A/N: So, this is the first time I've written for Spiral. It is (obviously) based on the final book, which I have just read, courtesy of Claire (Inkfaerie). This is set just after the final battle but before the "two years later" chapter - it's quite obvious where when you start reading. Just so you know, this was never intended to be too depressing! Writing the second half of this really cheered me up though, and I suppose that that's really the point of writing these ^^_

_One final point - I don't actually own any of the Spiral books so I'm writing most of this from memory! If I get anything wrong, please don't shoot! :3 (The same applies for anything which doesn't quite fit with the "two years later", although that was more intentional as I do have the final book to hand)._

_Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy :)_

_For Claire, for being patient in lending me all the Spiral books in turn!_

* * *

><p><strong>A Rather Mundane Afterthought<strong>

Wrapped in daydreams and gentle sunlight the countryside slumbered on, oblivious to the momentous exchange that had taken place within its sleepy folds. Overhead, birds sang; in the fields wildlife rustled and bleated and just enjoyed the day that, to them, was just like any other.

It was a hollow victory, nothing more.

The next train was not due for an hour, leaving Ayumu at the mercy of his tumultuous reflections and scathing thoughts. He had won, but he had lost everything. All throughout his life, Kiyotaka had been taking away everything Ayumu had ever loved, and now he had finally finished the job.

He'd lost Madoka, his first love, back before he'd even heard of the Blade Children. It was an omen, perhaps, for what was to come. Catapulted into the fight between the Blade Children, the Hunters, and Kiyotaka, he'd lost his innocence; his childhood. His fate had been decided for him before he was even born, so he'd lost control over his own life.

Then, as bizarre as it seems, over the next few encounters, he'd actually made some friends: Eyes, Rio, Ryoko, Kousuke. But he'd lost them too, because they were Blade Children and they weren't free to live their own lives either. He'd found a companion in Hizumi, the only person who could understand him, and then he was taken by the despair created by the man called the Devil and his counterpart Kiyotaka. It was then that Ayumu lost his future too; learning that he only had a few years to live before he was destroyed by forces outside his control.

And on top of all that, he'd lost the only one who had ever believed in him - the only one who _he_ had ever believed in. When he closed his eyes, he could still see her as she was that one time: his goddess, leaning out of the window of the train as it shot by overhead; a miracle, bomb deactivation key in her hand. Now she was gone too, taken in one cruel blow by Kiyotaka.

And his brother - well, he still had Kiyotaka, didn't he? He had the brother who he hadn't seen in over two years; who had committed unspeakable crimes and caused so many pointless deaths in his scheming; who had controlled Ayumu's life so mercilessly and uncaringly over the past weeks and months. He had the brother who he couldn't bring himself to hate, but who he hadn't been able to release from life either. He had the brother who he could never, ever forgive.

And yet Kiyotaka was now coming home, like normal... as if anything could ever be normal again! Ayumu almost laughed aloud at that thought. The two of them, gods both, knowing what they knew, carrying the weight of what they had done, returning to the lives they had had before?

After a moment of ridicule at the idea, Ayumu suddenly sobered. Though intended rhetorically, it was a question that needed an answer. What did wait for him at home? He thought about going back to school, only to find that he couldn't picture it any more. Walking the halls, studying, laughing with classmates - it was a dream so alien to him now. Kiyotaka, and the battles for and against the Blade Children, had taken all he had in more ways than one. He was not the same person who had investigated the fall of Munemiya Kana that fateful day at school.

Since then he had seen people die, for reasons he did not then understand, and it had changed him. Now he was a fighter; Kiyotaka's true successor. He had beaten Rio and Kousuke, proved himself to Eyes, defeated Kanone, and even won against his brother.

And so Ayumu's thoughts ran in crazy unbreakable spirals. Because he hadn't really beaten Kiyotaka, had he? He hadn't outsmarted or outmanoeuvred him. He had stood there and endured as his brother threw everything he had at him, and when Kiyotaka had no cards left to play, Ayumu had been declared the winner. He hadn't won because he was better than Kiyotaka - he'd won because he was stubborn and he had not wanted to lose. He took the hits with the hope that comes from despair... the unbreakable resolve of someone who's already lost everything.

Someone who'll have to start over again.

That thought came from nowhere, and it jolted Ayumu out of his internal monologue. It sparked his curiosity. Could he do it? Could he start over? The Blade Children could, he knew. A sad smile, the first in what felt like a long time, tugged at his lips. They'd leave him now, Eyes and the others - find their own fate, make their own destinies.

And they'd make a difference to the world, too. Rio had so much potential and energy inside her that whatever she did, domestic or military, he knew it would be the right thing. Eyes - well, Ayumu didn't know what he had planned, but he knew he'd taken his words to heart. He hoped that one day Eyes would go back to the piano. He had to play for Kanone too, so that by remembering him, and using the chance his death had bought them, his sacrifice would mean something. As for Kousuke and Ryoko, Ayumu had no idea what they would do with the life they had left, but he knew with certainty that whatever they did would mean something. They could save themselves. They didn't need him any more.

The smile of remembrance flickered and died, like a candle in the abrupt chill wind which blew through the empty train station. So where did that leave Ayumu? What was there for him now? It was almost tempting, in the bleak desolation of the little station, to lose the hope so strenuously won and give in to the fate dictated by his genes. The words he had spoken so passionately to the Blade Children before he confronted his brother were hollow to him. They had purpose, a reason to live. He had nothing, not any more. It would be so much easier, surely, if it just ended now.

It was easy to cry, but he would not. If he cried now, how would he be able to face the others again? His stubborn pride wouldn't allow it.

A cloud had drifted across the sun without his notice and now it withdrew. Without even meaning to, Ayumu lifted his face towards the warm light. Like everything else, his purpose had been taken away from him, but he shouldn't give up because of it - not when the Blade Children were fighting so hard. He'd find a new purpose to his life.

He'd go back to college. He'd study sociology. Criminology. He could help out with detective work in his free time.

He'd move back in with Madoka, but only temporarily. He'd move out as soon as he could afford a place of his own; somewhere to start over from.

He'd start playing the piano again, Kiyotaka or no Kiyotaka. Maybe he'd compose a bit. Yes - he could write a tribute for Kanone, and Eyes could play it if he ever went on tour again.

He'd start a charity fund, raising money to help children like himself and the Blade Children who are cursed with genetic defects from birth.

He'd turn the past year of his life into an autobiographical novel. Spread the message of the Blade Children, the bringers of hope. Alert the world to the cursed ones who would be its salvation.

He'd get tickets for the next tour of his favourite band. He'd start - and finish - Black Ops. He'd go on holiday - tour London, or see the Pyramids. He'd go to the cinema, check out the new coffee shop that had opened up on his road, get a part-time job.

He'd do all the mundane things that, an hour ago, had been out of his reach.

Then the rebuilding - the reclaiming - of everything that he had lost will begin.

Ayumu leaned back against the station wall and smiled despite himself, his pale cheeks flushing with excitement. He may not live beyond his twentieth birthday, but until then, the possibilities were endless. That was his true victory.

But first - home. Yes, it would be odd for a bit, with Kiyotaka back with Madoka. But when Ayumu looked at it not as something new he had to conform to but as a springboard to the rest of his life, the prospect of his brother coming home didn't seem nearly so bad. And yes, he might find it hard to adjust to ordinary life after what he had been through, but an ordinary life could easily become extraordinary without having to save anyone or brush with death.

Fate had taken everything from him over the last few weeks, and in the despair of the fight with Kiyotaka, Ayumu had failed to see what he had been given in return. Now he had a clean slate, and he could start over. He could put everything behind him and embrace all the opportunities he had left in the remainder of his life.

It was then that Ayumu heard the unmistakeable sound of a train approaching the station. Filled with a sudden indescribable thrill, he jumped up and began waving at it without even realizing what he was doing.

All he knew was that it had come to take him back home - back to the start, and onwards to a new beginning.


End file.
